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2018- How I Really Feel

Warning – little pity party ahead

It’s taken me almost a full month to figure out how to verbalize this post, and I’m still not 100% sure that I can do it justice.

But being completely honest, 2018 is a year I’m not really looking forward to.  There are so many challenges coming up and uncertainties in the next couple months that I can’t bring myself to be super excited about what is to come.

This pregnancy has been kicking my butt, and let’s just say it’s not the ideal way to start off a new year.  I’m hormonal (aka cranky with my husband all the time), in a lot of pain from my pelvis separating a bit too far + round ligament pain, not sleeping well at night, super insecure about my weight gain and major stretch marks, AND feeling mom guilt for not being able to do the things with E that I normally could do.

WHEW!  That’s a lot to get off my chest.  And even though I know the end is in sight (3 weeks to induction!!), then I will have two newborn babies to take care of which also gives me quite a bit of anxiety.  I follow a few moms of twins on Instagram and they all just had their babies this month – which did little to calm my nerves because they’re posting at all hours of the night about reflux and babies who won’t sleep.

And the icing on this cake of 2018 is that we will probably be moving in the next 6-8 months.  D has applied to several grad schools and is waiting to hear if he got accepted.  It’s not the move that is the stressor, but rather starting over.  We just arrived to Missouri in June and I was so blessed to find some solid girlfriends almost immediately.  Our days here are filled with play dates and brunches and monthly date nights with our husbands!  I’ve also found a few social groups that I really enjoy being a part of.  I hate the fact that I’ll have to start fresh, this time on a college campus where the majority of people will be younger than us and in a different stage of life.

Verse of the Year

So I’ve decided to try a verse of the year (instead of just a word) that I can focus on and repeat to myself when things get a little challenging.  I’m keeping it super simple and chose Galatians 5:22-23 which lists the fruit of the spirit.  Originally I was just going to choose PEACE because that’s what I need now, but I realized that once the twins come and I’m sleep deprived, I’m also going to need to focus on patience, self-control, and most likely gentleness when I have a tantruming toddler.  So why not meditate on all nine at once?

I’m really hoping and praying, that my monthly updates will reflect that I’m taking this verse to heart and that 2018 ends up being a year that I am sad to see go. 

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